Each year I like to choose a word as a theme to focus on during the year. I find it much simpler than a full New Year’s resolution. And because it’s simple, it’s been more powerful in my life.
For 2013, I chose “ground”. At the beginning of 2013, I was working at making significant changes in my life. Change, even for the better, can feel disorienting. So I wanted to focus on being as grounded as I could as I made my changes.
Life had an interesting way of bringing the quality of groundedness to me—a way I never would have predicted nor chosen.
One day in May, I woke up tired. The next day, I was even more tired. My tiredness continued to grow until, by the end of July, I spent full days lying on the couch. My brain was even too tired to think. I was in a fog.
I had to quit working. I couldn’t help around the house. I couldn’t do all the fun activities I was used to—dancing, socializing, hiking, art. I had to totally let go.
What I found in letting go is a sense of support from life.
The doctor I’d been seeing the last couple years happen to specialize in fatigue illnesses. He prescribed a gentle homeopathic remedy that cleared my mind and gave me a tiny bit more energy. My husband stepped up and took over the grocery shopping and cooking and is supporting me in my healing process.
I met someone at a business training in June who introduced me to a fabulous tool that helps people get more in touch with their authentic self and teaches them ways of living that work really well. (I’ll be talking more about that in future posts.) This tool has helped me tremendously in navigating this phase of my life.
Through this newfound tool, I found a group which is supporting me during my down time. It’s also giving me tools that I can use in the future to live in ways that would make it less likely I’d get sick like this again. You see, I had this same illness in 2009.
I realize life is giving me everything I need. And that feels grounding to me. My roots securely embedded in trusting life. This is not only a concept in my head, but it’s something I feel throughout my entire body.
I’m seeing how, in the past, I’ve tried so hard to make certain things happen in my life that I had overstepped my part in those particular areas. I was trying too hard. I wasn’t allowing life to bring me what it could if only I’d relax and trust as I do my part and allowed life to do it’s part.
I’m still very exhausted as a result of my illness and spend the majority of my days on the couch, but I have a sense of peace about this phase of my life. That there’s a purpose and that I’m being taking care of in this purpose.